The millennial generation overall has shown to be less religious than previous generations, a phenomenon that has not gone unnoticed by church leadership.
When asked earlier this year, the newly appointed First Presidency shared their thoughts on millennials and how they plan to both retain and bolster millennial membership. President Nelson responds first that it is crucial that leaders “help [millennials] understand how precious their [lives are],” which is a nice sentiment, but really should be something that is already happening. Eyring followed up that, in his experience with current missionaries, he has noticed immense strength. This is really kind of him, but also doesn’t particularly answer the question. Oaks spoke last, saying that marriage is important to this conversation, claiming that “the young man and the young woman are stronger when they marry,” that “many things the world cites as problems with millennials disappear” once they marry, and that “partnership is the secret.”
As a millennial listening to this message, especially as one with many questions and doubts, I felt a little disheartened. I do not find comfort in the fact that the one solid recommendation to retain my membership in the church is to get me married. Last time I checked, married people can have doubts and can choose to leave. It’s not a cure-all. And even more concerning to me, it seemed as though church leaders may be approaching the issue of millennial membership without actually talking to the very millennials they are trying to hold on to.
So I took it upon myself to do some research, asking my own twitter followers¹ the following question: What aspects of the church/gospel keep you around, what things could the church do to maintain that, and/or what things would make you leave?
I received around a hundred responses and will do my best to share what I found along with some of my own thoughts. (You can also read the whole thread here)
What is pushing millennials out
I want to start here because this feels like a “bad news first” type of situation. While each responder had their own experiences, common themes did appear in their answers. Many people highlighted how church “culture” was a part of what would (or already did) push them away from the church. Now, I recognize that this is an obscure construct, but the other themes I noticed seem to clear this up. Millennials also note that issues with sexism, homophobia, racism, hyper-conservatism, and the judgmental environment often found in congregations would also contribute to their choice to leave. One responder noted that the homophobia has done so much damage that she does not think she could ever come back.
We cannot ignore the damaging effects that our culture and teachings can have on members. While some people can easily parse out the difference between culture and doctrine, it can be difficult for many. I fall towards the latter end of the spectrum myself. Often, the culture we’ve created is rooted in gospel doctrine and principles, even if some is lost in translation. Homophobia can come from the church stance on gay marriage, sexism is found in the institutional structure of the church, racism in our problematic history, etc. And as a result, we have created a culture of judgment. We judge those outside of the church who have different beliefs and we judge those within our wards and stakes for acting against what we deem to be right. We nitpick the behavior of others as if to make ourselves feel better about our own shortcomings. And this judgment, hatred, and various -isms are pushing people away.
What real life millennials say will help retain their membership
For as many reasons there are for millennials to be pushed out of the church, there are plenty that are keeping us around. I think it’s important to note here that in all of the responses I got when I posed the original question, this aspect of the question was the most addressed. Though millennials have lots of concerns and doubts, we also have a lot of faith. Don’t count us out yet.
For me, sticking around comes down to my own relationship and understanding of my Heavenly Parents, Christ, and the Spirit. This appears to be common among the millennials that responded to me as well. Common themes in their answers were a personal relationship with God, belief in the core doctrine and principles of the gospel, and a sense of community. I don’t think my own words can do justice to the things others said, so you can read some of their own words below.
Aspects of the church and gospel that retain millennial membership
I chose this to be the last aspect of my original question to address because I think it’s good to end on suggestions for improvements.
Once again, this aspect of my question lead to some common themes among the answers. Millennials, especially those still attending YSA wards, expressed a desire for a refocus on Christ. We want more space for women, LGBTQ* individuals, and other marginalized groups. We want to feel like full-fledged members of the church, even when we are single. We want the church to be more transparent in their acknowledgment of institutional shortcomings, both historical and modern.
Refocus on Christ
Something I have noticed recently in my own church attendance, especially while I was still attending BYU student wards, is that it is not entirely uncommon to sit through an entire three hour block of church without hearing about Christ. And when Christ is noted as being a strong aspect of our testimonies, it is natural that millennials have a strong desire for a church-wide, or at least YSA-wide, refocus on His life and teachings.
To me, this seems like an easy fix. When we center our talks and lessons on Christ, our lives will be more centered on Him as well. I think we lose this focus when we get hung up on policy and behavior-specific doctrine. The two most important commandments are to love God and to love our neighbors. Often our behaviors, our lessons, and our faith are not centered on these things and thus we fall short of our potential. A refocus on Christ and His love would not only retain millennial membership, but would strengthen all of our communities.
Singleness
It is important to note, that many millennials are already married, so some of the following suggestions may not be relevant to the entire demographic. But for those of us who remain single, it can be hard to feel like we really have a place in the church as a whole. Of course, YSA wards and stakes provide a community for us, but even some feel as though these communities fail to be anything more than a marriage factory.
message from anonymous
Being single in a church that is built for the family can be frustrating. And the truth of the matter is that many of us, especially women, won’t have the opportunity to be married in this life. We need more from the church in regard to our place in the Plan when we are not given the opportunity to start a family.
Roles for women
As a millennial woman in the church, it can be difficult to parse out what my role is meant to be. It can feel at times like it is my duty to pump out babies and be quiet while the men do the work. I want my divine ability to create (an ability that not all women even have, mind you) to be on par with my ability to inspire and lead. As women in the church we are often preached to about the importance of our voices without the follow through to uplift us.
There are women in local and general leadership, but it is not a question that there is a disparity between female and male leadership. It would appear that the priesthood is the qualifier for leadership responsibility. Yet, if we are going to claim the narrative that women operate with priesthood authority in their current leadership positions, what is keeping us from allowing women in more spaces? We are ready to lead. We know the value of our perspectives. We just need to be given the opportunity to contribute.
Space for LGBTQ* members²
I cannot speak for the experience of LGBTQ* members other than to say that I have seen their pain. We preach love and acceptance, but we are fixated on a “love the sinner, hate the sin” mentality that does more damage than good. When we tell them they are “struggling with same sex attraction,” we are ignoring their identities.
(message from @erkj72
I would imagine that Christ would not fixate on what people they are attracted to, but He would sit with them, administer to them, and love them. They need the same from their congregations. We need to love them, accept them, and not label them as sinners.
Spaces for racial and ethnic minorities²
First, when discussing racial issues in the church it is important for me to note that my experience and the experience of many of the responders is from a westernized perspective, specifically within the US. I must also note that I cannot speak for the experiences of these brothers and sisters outside of witnessing their pain and exclusion.
message from anonymous
It is past denial that the church has a racist history. This has bled into the present as well. Just as general leadership is largely male, it is also largely white. Representation is so important, even in bodies of leadership that largely rely on revelation. We need a variety of perspectives.
Transparency
We recognize that the church is going to have flaws. We want the church itself to recognize and address this as well. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes, in fact this is inherent to mortality. Yet, the church as an institution seems ignore its flaws, even when they are being exposed by other sources.
message from @daleknado
When members raise concerns about policy and culture, they are often swept under the rug. It is easier to ignore problems and not be accountable for them than it is to take responsibility for the problem itself and the subsequent changes. It is easier to repeat the mantra of “the church is perfect, but the people aren’t” than to acknowledge that the church really isn’t perfect either. We cannot choose the easy way in the name of reputation.
The church is an institution. It is living, breathing, and ever-changing. When we notice problems or when we recognize that we are not conducting ourselves with Christ-like love, we should adjust. Yet too often, church leaders brush aside these issues as mere blips or glitches in the system instead of addressing the issues head-on. All institutions are going to have flaws and the church is not immune to that. But I think often we regard the church as an institution as divinely inspired as the gospel itself. This view is flawed and discourages critical thinking and growth. The church can increase trust when these flaws are openly acknowledged and improved. The church as a whole can grow and progress when we stop ignoring its blemishes.
At the core, millennials just want inclusion, honesty, compassion, transparency, and a refocus on Christ and His Atonement. This does not require doctrinal revelation or changes, at least not yet. It merely requires awareness from both church leaders and members. And we’re gonna have to make some adjustments.
I love the gospel. It pains me when I feel like the church itself doesn’t reflect the gospel of love and compassion that I have come to understand and believe in. It is painful to feel like I don’t particularly belong sometimes and I fully recognize that there are many people who are afforded less space than I am. But I also know that I need to use the space I do have to make more room for others. It is going to take lots of work and more institutional power than I may ever have.
Those who have power must do a lot of the heavy lifting, and this is made possible when those individuals know what lifting they need to do. If church leaders want to retain millennial membership, the most important thing is to listen to what we have to say. And we’re not exactly quiet.
¹Note: my twitter followers along with other twitter users that responded may not be an accurate representation of millennial membership in the church overall, but I don’t think that makes their voices any less important.
²Though I try to explain these sections, I do not have personal experience with these issues. In these areas, we need to listen to and uplift voices of those directly affected.